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A farmer gets up one cold morning to find that all his cows have frozen stiff - they are standing normally in the field, but rock-hard and cold as ice as though they were residents of Milton Keynes. He's standing looking at them dumb-struck with no idea on how to cope when across the fields he spies a figure approaching. As it gets closer, he can see that it is a little old lady, not too steady on her feet, who is heading directly for the frozen cows. When she gets to the field, the old lady moves from cow to cow, rubbing each on the nose. As she leaves each cow, it starts to defrost and come back to life. Finally, she has visited each cow, and without a word she resumes her journey across the fields, away from the farmer and his rapidly recovering cows. The farmer is standing staring in amazement when his brother arrives. The brother is quickly brought up-to-date with the happenings, and gazes after the now-disappearing lady. "Ah well", says the brother, "you know who that was, don't you? Thora Hird.".
we think he actually made this up himself and is proud of it
what a crap joke!!!
A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HelOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
we think this is another captain wiggles original sad!!!!
he called these questions mankind has been unable to answer
q.. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
q.. Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
q.. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
q.. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
q.. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
q.. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
q.. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
are you sure you can take more? they dont get any better
q.. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
q.. What do you call male ballerinas?
q.. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,why didn't he just buy dinner?
q.. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
q.. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
q.. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
q.. Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
q.. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
q.. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
q.. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?
q.. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can't wait to stick his head out the window into the wind?
q.. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
q.. can you believe how shit his jokes are?
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